The Letter That Was Never Sent
by Nuppu
Summary: My first fanfic here! And, well, if you don't like even slight mentions to shounen ai, skip this one right away. So... what can we find out from a letter that was never sent? Please, R&R!


**The Letter That Was Never Sent**

_Hahmot ja niiden maailma kuuluvat Masashi Kishimotolle – eivät minulle. Tarina on tehty pilke silmäkulmassa eikä missään nimessä rahastustarkoituksissa. Älkää siis suotta haastako oikeuteen!_

Damn, I hated you. Since the first day I saw you at the Academy I hated you.  
  
You were always so annoying, stupid, clumsy, noisy and loud-mouthed. Really, really loud-mouthed. I think you were - and still are - the noisiest guy I've ever met. Usually I simply ignored annoying people, pretended that they just didn't exist. But you. No matter how I tried I couldn't ignore you. There was no way I could stop listening your stupid jokes, no way I could stop myself from leering at you at class when you sat there in the back looking so bored.  
  
And the day when we graduated and that ... incident took place. That kiss. I was so mad at you. And embarrassed. I thought you really were the most annoying person in the whole world. But still ... I could not have been happier when I heard we were in the same team. Of course I didn't admit it to myself, but deep inside I already knew. I knew I couldn't live without you.  
  
All those trainings, missions, even Kakashi's boring theory lessons... Every single second I saw you... And especially when you yelled at me ... it was so painful. At first I was able to deny every feeling; I could control myself very well. And when it became too much, when I almost had to admit it to myself, I turned it all to hate. I decided that I hated you. That worked for a long time. Nearly half a year I was capable of pretending I really hated you. And I think at some point I almost did. I hated the way you made me feel weak and unstable. Unable to control my thoughts. On the other hand you always made me feel strong on the missions with your lovely habit of yelling things like "don't lose to a guy like that, Sasuke!" or "let's kick their asses!". But still... those feelings you made me feel every time you looked at me... I hated myself for loving those intense gazes we shared between our arguments and fights.  
  
That last mission we had is one of the reasons I'm writing this. It reminded me of the one in the Country of Wave when we were just rookies. The first C-ranked mission which turned out to be way more difficult than anyone of us had tought... Like back then, also our last mission was surprisingly hard. We got into a lot of trouble and saved each others many times. Risked our lives to save each other. Did I only imagine, or were you really that worried about me when that sound-ninja almost killed me? This gave me hope ... perhaps you didn't hate me so much after all. And also the fact that you borrowed the Kyubi's chakra only to save me... When you beated all those sound-shinobi so furiously. The anger on your usually so happy and care-free face scared me a bit. A lot in fact. And at the same time I also felt quite glad 'cause you did do it because of me... At least I think you did... But I guess I only imagined... Imagined it because that's what I wanted to think.  
  
I was pretty good at hiding these emotions, wasn't I? I guess that's because I never admitted them to myself either - let alone to anyone else. But these years we've been spending together working for our village, fighting for our clients and for Konoha I have come to a conclusion. I cannot hide this any longer. I can't stand being alone, acting all the time. I can't keep on with my useless ambition. Alone I am never going to get my revenge, but if I had you beside me, if you would understand why I have to kill that man, if you would accept it ... if you would be beside me, I'm sure that that stupid brother of mine would not stand a chance. Because to me you are something I can't ever understand, but I need you like I need air.  
  
So, what I'm trying to say is that you are very important to me. I don't care if you laugh or insult me after you read this. I only wanted to tell you. Every time I say I hate you, it's not what I mean. It's a part of my big show. A show called "I don't care about you". I can only hope that some day you will understand me. That's all I dare to hope.


End file.
